I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
