how can u be prego again
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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