who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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