I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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