i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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