garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
