Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
