you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
