well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
i out mim tonsoeep
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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