I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
