With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Even my vagina gasped.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
