It's just like the Real World with babies
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
