I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
