i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
