Umm I'm too high to move.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
they need to just BURY HIM!
I just gift wrapped bread.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Actions speak louder than pants.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
