I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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