Betty ford says i'm here all night
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
