goodnight i made you a song goodbye
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Randomize
