FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize