it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
