I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
