She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
