i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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