i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Sorry my hands just texted you
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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