I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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