I think i sorta joined a cult last night
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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