Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
