Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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