Dude my mom stole all your condoms
If that was your dad, he is hot
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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