Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
