Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Found your dick twin last night
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize