just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
