when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
