I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
