My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize