also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
