im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
