I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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