Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
