He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
