I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
