dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
