(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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