I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
