I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
