Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
