I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize