i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
