She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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