dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
