Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
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