I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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