Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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