somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I look excited, but its just a facade.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
