this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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