dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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