Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize