it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
