Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
