i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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