His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
