awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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