I can text with my tongue
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
