So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
