Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
