don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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