shes about as inviting as chlamydia
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
