Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize