in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
