Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
