Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
