Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
