They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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