that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize