My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Randomize
