my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
