you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
