Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize