Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
