Where is the hickey?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
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