so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
