Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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