forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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