well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
