You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
