Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
