then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
