oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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