wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
